Spending Time Alone

I like to think of myself as a pretty social person but when I think about the majority of the time I spend it's alone and I seem to be quite good at it. Most of the time I believe it's not by choice and because of this I suffer. But in the moments I surrender they are the sweetest moments.

Last year I was going through a transition. I found myself not wanting to be around people and locking myself away, listening to John Mayer and writing songs on my ukulele. I was looking for inspiration and direction as I new that chapter of my life was coming to an end. I felt scared, confused and lonely. I started to hone my craft and read a lot. After a couple months of this I never could have imagined I would get a gig in Moscow that would change my life forever but that's what happened and I was ready for it. Because of my time alone, I learned so much about myself. I felt strong in  where I stood and open to change because I was ready to let go of everything. The endless day dreaming and thinking allowed me to create a life I was excited about. It was in the challenging moments of sitting still and being alone I started to find myself  and open up to be prepared for opportunities I couldn't foresee. I now look back on that particular summer when I struggled with being alone and with my thoughts and feel such an appreciation for the lessons that I learned and the trades that I learned that prepared me for what was next. I now can see clearly that it was necessary and all the puzzle pieces of confusion and frustration fit together. The strength I found in myself allowed me to follow my dream of backpacking alone and who knew that the love for John Mayer's music would be the piece that had me and my fiance connect.

Funny now I find myself in a similar situation as last year in the sense of being alone. I don't have a car and live in an area that is not pedestrian or public transportation friendly. I'm still trying to make friends so I spend many days alone with no where to go. I only work 4 hours a night and have more than enough time than I know what to do with. Now I am very aware life is what you create it to be and we are never a victim of our circumstances and yet I am challenged in this notion. It's easier being a victim of it than having to put myself out there and ask for help. During this time I have had many days where I sit alone and watch TV wishing I were in Italy with my fiance. Wondering what the hell I am doing here and I have to remind myself of how hard I worked to get into the show that I am currently in and that my fiance is my biggest support system. I got tired of feeling sorry for myself so I said "ok Ang, you have a lot of extra time on your hands and no car, so what?! Maybe, just maybe this extra time is a blessing not a curse."

I started studying Italian, playing my ukulele and practicing yoga all within my beautiful apartment. I started cooking meals for myself and learned how to enjoy them in silence with candle light or on my patio outside. I started learning how to garden so that I can grow my own herbs and vegetables to cook with. I started calling my family more. I started walking to work to get fresh air. I don't know how the puzzle pieces are all going to fit together but if I've learned anything from my past is that they always do! In the moment I surrendered to the situation I could see endless possibilities and was able to see this extra time alone as a blessing. It's a beautiful time to learn and create!

I encourage everyone to spend time alone whether its by choice or by circumstance. Take advantage of it and grow! If you're someone that feels you never have time alone look to see how you can create it regularly and see how it transforms your busy life.